


Soundless Voice

by alltears



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Death, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Depression, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Songfic, THIS IS SO SAD IM SORRY, Tumblr Prompt, implied suicide, lots of pianos, nothing graphic, teeny sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6292294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltears/pseuds/alltears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: “Somebody please make a fanfiction based off of the song ‘soundless voice’ where Dan is dead, and all Phil can remember is Dan's singing and piano playing. Include the quote ‘I'll always love you. I'm afraid I can't say it, the doors between your world and mine have closed now on us. Can my voice reach you? The answer to that, even I don't know.’”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soundless Voice

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this idea on phanfic.tumblr.com from @fire-blast-pegasus and just kinda got away from me...oops. Sorry. I tried. Sorta. It’s not all about the piano, but it is an exclusive fracture of the story! Reviewed by my homie @phandomalpacalypse so give her some love. Enjoy!

When Dan died, he took Phil’s happiness with him.

Not in the sense that you might be thinking, as Phil still had a beating heart and a functioning brain. But he hadn’t laughed in what seemed like years, and the last video he recorded sat unedited on his desktop. Dan’s desktop. Their desktop. He was alive, though. Some asshole in a Lexus took his boyfriend’s life and left the other breathing alone. It was cruel. Heartless. Evil.

When Dan died, he took Phil’s apartment with him.

Phil was drowning in empty memories. Dan’s empty bed once held laughter and 2 am giggles and sex, and now it’s empty. The empty piano used to release sweet notes and beautiful smiles. There was a time back in 2012 when Phil learned all of a MCR song to explain he was sorry and he loved Dan more than anything. It sounded nothing like how Dan played and he messed up a thousand times, but Dan didn’t care. The piano was empty. And Phil was drowning in it.

When Dan died, he took Phil’s future with him.

No more dog, no more wedding, no more baby. Moving on is not a possibility for Phil, no matter what the therapists told him. How do you love someone else after your best friend and boyfriend is ripped out of your arms forever? Exactly, it’s not fucking possible. No more love.

When Dan died, he took Phil’s career with him.

“It’s Time I Said Goodbye” will forever be the last video on AmazingPhil. He thought about explaining to the world every last detail of their lives, including their relationship, but Dan was always wary about telling the audience, especially after the V-Day video. Publishing that last video was really his end to life. The next couple months he did nothing, he barely even left his bed. (He thought about staying in Dan’s room, but he was worried it’d stop being Dan’s and start being his.)

When Dan died, he took Phil’s love with him.

Phil was always so happy when his friends asked if he wanted to hang out. The pair barely got outside as it was, so going to a restaurant with Felix and Marzia was a blessing. 99+ text messages burned a hole in Phil’s phone. PJ, Chris, Louise...everyone of his friends urging him to get a drink with them, maybe continue with the book tour or at the very least take a walk. Phil could hardly remember TABINOF at all, really. And Jesus, he’d almost forgotten he had fans he was neglecting. They probably had it just as bad as him. No, no. No one had it as bad as him.

When Dan died, he took Phil’s favorite songs with him.

The singing Dan did the night he died was the most beautiful thing Phil had ever heard. The lyrics he sang scratched over and over in his brain like a broken record; "I'll always love you. I'm afraid I can't say it, the doors between your world and mine have closed now on us. Can my voice reach you? The answer to that, even, I don't know." The simple chords Dan performed with the poetry sounded off since the keys all needed tuning, but neither of them cared. 

When Dan died, he took Phil’s memories with him.

It was harder and harder to remember if Phil had dreamed Dan up. Their whole love story seemed like it was something out of a fairy tale, so how could that be real? Of course there were the danisnotonfire videos and collabs on the gaming channel, but what about Dan? What were their dates like? How many pointless arguments did they have? All Phil could really look back on was their songs.

When Dan died, he took Phil’s music with him.

That piano. That stupid, amazing, beautiful piano that Phil couldn’t look at now without feeling sick. If there was anything that Dan loved as much as Phil, it’d have to be music. Playing, singing, listening, you name it. How long had it been since Phil listened to Muse? Butterflies and Hurricanes came on the radio once. That was the last time Phil cried.

 

When Dan died, he took Phil’s body with him.

Every step was more a stumble. All of his breaths sounded panicked and rigid, like they might be his last. His shoulders were constantly slouched. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking and made horrible piano attempts sound like he was strangling a monkey, so obviously he stopped trying after that. But his hands shook the most when he opened that small orange pill bottle.

When Dan died, he took Phil’s possessions with him.

There was a light grey layer of dust on the piano, and even more collected on the television. Phil abandoned the idea of learning how to play the instrument, even though Dan tried so hard to get him intrigued. He always brushed it off, saying he was “too clumsy” or “not naturally talented”. And every time, Dan would shrug, and utter those three words. “I am too.”

When Dan died, he took Phil’s will with him.

What’s the point of it all? Why should Phil get out of bed if Dan wasn’t waiting to watch Food Wars with him in the lounge? Phil shouldn’t have to buy more groceries, there’s probably an apple or something in the fridge. If Phil isn’t waking every morning with his Dan, then why shouldn’t he end it all? He should, shouldn’t he? He should.

When Dan died, he took Phil with him.

When Phil died, he took that damned piano with him.

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY!! I really tried to make the story get sadder, shakier, and more into Phil's thoughts as it went on. I thought it kinda displayed how Phil was slowly falling apart with every second.
> 
> yh im sorry.
> 
> follow my tumblr pls: @amazingbrado


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